Monday, April 09, 2007
the extraction made me feel better actually. say tt i'm weird but ya. (:
Last night, the inevitable happened again. SIGH. QR smsed her, making it a point tt he hasn't got over her just yet. u cannot blame me for kicking such a fuss. it happened b4, and i didn;t want it to happen again.but it did. SIGH. thanks to all who cared. whether there were any except 1. sigh. ffor the 1st time i was understood. yes i know all of u will come telling me to let him go, he's not worth it and so on. but please. it's not that i don;t want to. i can't. i've lost everything. given him everything up for him. my studies, my faith, my family. my everything. i can't lose anything more.that's why i'm holding on to him so tightly cos if i lose him, i'll really have nothing.nothing at all.
God, when will it stop? at least tell me.show me.
i cried last night. late late into the night wanting to give up, go mad, scream and let myself go jsut end this life. but thanks. God brought someone to cheer me up, or rather, understand me, so that at the very least i didn't have to cry myself to sleep again. label me as stubborn, say whatever u wanna say, i just can't do it. i'm not strong enough to let ppl see that i have problems, to people, i wannan be perfect. as a leader, i dun wanna affect anyone's faith by presenting my weakest side week after week. but i still serve Him. For i serve a God who is faithful and true.i will hide in the shelter of His wings.but i can't keep up with it anymore. so please, just SAVE ME.i dun wanna pretend i'm happy anymore. i don't wanna pretend i'm okay. i want to be cared for too.i want to feel loved too.i wanna feel accepted too. i'm human too are'nt i? sigh. who's there to lend me a hand?
i don't wanna be alone.anymore.
" Looking at photos always hits me whether that smile is geniune or rather, beneath that toothy grin is someone that is struggling deep inside, confused, afflicted with much obstacles awaiting a gleamour of light or a hand to escalate them to a level of equilibrium.
are your photos like that too?"
de a'More ;
1:37 PM