ytd i spoke to the long long MIA sisSHIRLENE. (: and she helped alot.
DEPRESSION MONTH BE OVER. can i have an amen hallelujah? HAHA (:

anyway, i was telling her that i let go of the anger i have towards PGC. God placed him in IGNYTE as district pastor over ADAM so i guess i have to respect that, cos God has anointed him. people are created differently, and moreover, they're God's creation and created in the image of God (as stated in the bible) so i need to love these people! (: OVER WITH IT! AMEN AND HALLELUJAH! (from esther)

i was also telling her how there are SPs who are judging me and how i feel like i have no place in the ministry anymore, just cos i rested as an SP for these few months.i told her it equates to telling me 'you're not good enough to be a role model to the youths'. but she told me that some of the best and greater leaders in the ministry were rested too. (: i chose to be accountable, which was the right thing to do. and i needed help, THAT'S WHY i had to rest. not cause i did something wrong. i don't have to justify myself and try to fend myself. because if there are shallow and surface ppl who wanna judge, let them. it just goes to show that they ARE shallow and surfaced.
and to the SPs, think about it. have u been accountable to your leaders? if u had to come clean before the Lord one day and present your life to Him, would He be pleased? when u judge the SPs that were rested have you ever considered the fact that you yourself have not been accountable? Do you take your title as a title? as a status? were you truly passionate about reaching out to people or was it just 'part of your job'?SPs are supposed to be role models. but role models ARE NOT and DO NOT have to be perfect. that's why we are accountable to get help and get our lives right with God. and i know of SO MANY SPs who are carrying on with their lives like it doesn't mean a single thing to them. how can you carry on living your life without even being bothered whether or not God's watching! and u people can STILL judge people like me who chose to do the right thing! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!

and God also said that he'll never test us beyond what we can bear. sister shirlene told me, the harder it is to overcome, the harder the situation is, means the higher God thinks of you. because God WILL NEVER give u too much u cannot take. so if it is so so hard for you, means actually God believes in you, he believes that YOU CAN. (: in the midst of all the problems, look at them and show them how much u can do it.

and people, don't don't don't pretend to be someone u're not anymore. cos now, feels like i've lost myself. when i look back and think bout who i really am, honestly i can't find myself anymore. i keep trying to please everyone, keep changing myself to make ppl accept me, until one day, when i wanna be myself, i can't. because i've lost me. i don;t know who me is. and i dun want the same thing to happen to anyone of u out there. it may seem like no one may accept you, and it might seem that the best way is to make everyone love you, cos no doubt everyone of us wants to feel love and accepted. but trust me, the best feeling is to really know who u are. really. don't lose yourself to someone you are not. unlike me. (: press on people.



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