just as i thought i was stronger than before, i wasn't. in fact, i was broken down again.

thanks mr foo. i don't know if i should hate you for love u now for this.for today.
today was parent teacher meeting. as usual, i failed math. not much of a surprise, mummy expected it too. target setting. i got like countless F9s for math for lik 4 years straight? i just have a flare in languages and humans lah okay. so for PRELIM2 i set my target for D7. was it bad? i just didnh't wanna disappoint myself if i fail. and if i pass somehow, i will feel proud of myself and stop lacking the self confidence that i've totally lost today. but apparently to mr foo i was underestimating myself. like HELLO. targets are supposed to be realistic. i want to pass too. but from getting an F9 for all my life to getting a D7 is like really a big jump for me! and i thought that if i could at least near a pass, then i would have confidence to do better so that i won't fail in my O'LEVEL. BUT SOME PPL JUST DON'T GET IT. and they only know how to break ppl down and rant and rant. i thought MR FOO cared and understood me. (afterall, i've been talking to him so much bout the disastrous things in my life for e.g this month). but i figured he didn't understand. i love the way mr foo always fends for me. i like it when he will make sure QR is good enough for me i like it when he disciplines QR and teach him to treat me better. i like it when mr foo tells me he believes i can pass my math. for a teacher to say that to me, IT WAS A FIRST. mr foo never scolded me, he never even shouted at me before. he was like the most concerned person that i can find in school. picture that. but today, he told me he's frustrated with me! and he don't me that he's gonna stop caring for me and that i don't worth all his concern anymore. MRFOO: do you even know that i'm doing this for you? i want to make you proud, and my parents and most of all myself proud. it's cos u believed and cos you were patient with me that i'm putting in effort to pass. if it wasn't for your relentless believe in me, i won't even turn up for OLEVEL maths! if it wasn't for you, wld i even touch my math textbook and buy the damned 10-year series and even try completing it? can't u give me even a chance to start small? i cannot jump so far at once. i'm just aiming for a D7. push myself abit more,and finally pass perhaps? I AM NOT LIMITING MYSELF. and u say i'm stubborn. u say i won't listen. IF I DON'T LISTEN WOULD I BOTHER DOING ANY ANY OF THIS BULLSHIT?! i won't unfortunately. if u ever get to read this, maybe u'll say i'm relying on you. but well, no one believed in me. when i wanted to look for help from ppl, they think im beyond home. who is as patient as you? i'm trying to work hard. i am actually. can't you see it's already a big change? if u want to accomplish big things, sometimes we must start small? i'm not who u think i am. i want to listen yto you, and i have. but u have to understand my part too. i want to pass. but to me c6 = 55, not 50. D7 to me is 50.and 50 is a pass. point: i aim lower so i can prove myself wrong that i can do better. so i try damn frigging hard to prove my aim wrong and do better. BUT U THINK I'VE BELITTLED MYSELF. i want to prove my target wrong and surpass the target i've set for myself. and most ppl get hte wrong idea bout this. like you and THAT MOTHER OF MINE who apparently thinks it''s damn easy or smth. mom, you know NUTS. so back off man. i know better for myself what i'm doing. most ppl won't know it, but i seek for perfection in my life. i want so badly to prove that i can do so much better than what i'm doing now. PRELIM 1 was hard okay. BACK OFF seriously, BACK OFF. i don't want to hate u mr foo, don't make me. ya proud, stubborn, whatever okay. i WILL prove you wrong and i WILL pass my math. beat that, all you so called know-it-alls.

VAHLAA~ then i left school in a hurry WITHOUT mom. and went to the nearby block with babe to cry. LOL! HAHAH. and it was like publicised cos KSS ppl were walking here walking there and EVERYWHERE. AHHAA. then we STROLLED down to lot 1 to catch THE SIMPSONS MOVIE. lame stuff luh. no substance actually. so now at home, i don' know this mom, and she doesn't know me, as her daughter. we're just strangers. wanna be that way? SO BE IT. take that.

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