Thursday, November 22, 2007
back to work ):
mood: forlorn playlist: Because of you - Kelly Clarksoni watched you die, i heard you cry everynight in your sleep
i was so young you shld have known better than to lean on me;
you never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain.
and now i'm crying in the middle of the night;
for the same damn thing!
because of you, you you, you.
selfish bastard, ungrateful brat, irresponsible human being, insensitive shit, pathological liar, playboy, unforgiven idiot, loser! ps: if you, yes you, are reading this on his behalf, do let him know. thank you. i was always there for you, whether u needed me or not. i was there to dry your tears, make u smile, tell you that everything wld be okay cos i was there for you, wrote you encouraging notes and 1000 word essays just to tell u how impt u were to me, made time for you to meet u in the midst of exams and stress. until now, after we fell out, i am still here, always been; and always will. but you, you you you, u turned ur back 180degrees away from me. when i needed u to tell me everything will be okay, were u ever there? or were u somewhere else, with someone else, forgetting that actually u needed to spare a thought for me? is this too much of me to ask this of u? after ALL the f***ing times i was there for u to sacrifice my time, money, health and give all my love care, concern and genuine friendship, is all this still not good or impt enough to at least make u look back and care bout me like you used to? yah, i said it, USED TO. or is it because ur heart is so numb to these emotions due to 'you-know-who' in the 'you-know-what-you-said' sms? maybe maybe it'c cos of that you-know-who, but then again, miss you-know-who, is not in this picture. well maybe she affected the outcome of the picture to a massive scale, ultimately u were the one who decides. yah, i sound harsh. but i think ive kept it in too long.
i'm forced to fake a smile a laugh everyday of my life..
because of you i find it hard to trust
not only me but everyone ard me.
because of you i am afraid..
because of you i try my hardest just to forget everything;
because of you i don't know how to let any one else in.
because of you i'm ashamed of my life, cos it's empty..
now i know why. i won't let myself cause my heart so much misery. it's been because of him, that i've given up believing in friendships; it's cause of him tt's caused me to shut myself away from others and build imaginary walls that noone can get through; cause of him i've lost all hope, not believing tt miracles exist; cause of him tt i feel so bare and broken inside, like noone wld care again. because of what? because of you that's what. well listen up and listen up good ; i will not bare my soul into you and i will not let u take advantage of me, or get a hold of my emotions. nononono. let's just say even when i miss you hell lot, i'll try my utmost best to keep the comments to myself ; rather than let u know and get screwed up cos of u're cruel and cold words. anyway u'd nt want to hear them anyway wld u? i promise i'll stiill be here for u anytime. the least i ask, at least be sincere and real to me. no masks, please.
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then again on a lighter note, WELCOME BACK FROG! :D certainly missed you!
de a'More ;
10:44 AM
hannahlee