{edit @ 5.55pm}

See this baby? I went go Godma's house and was greated by her 3 little babies (: Most of you must have seen this poster somewhere somehow. And Godma's dog was the star! ;D There she is in person and her name's Charity! Aw, how sweet. Naughty girl though xD

Here's Charity and the baby of the house Mercy in red (: She was such a sweetheart just like a spoiltbrat. Run here and there and make noise and let you cuddle her ;D ;D I stayed there for like 2 hours and it totally made me forget all the unhappy sh*t (: I love them babies! You should see the whole house FILLED with awards, certs and all. Just hearing how Godpa boasted bout them made me think like, whoa, it's even better than having a child! Amazing the things these cute things do (: I will post more later, now i'm at uncle's place and the photos are quite a few so yeah, leave them to next time (:

黑暗中的我们都没有说话
你只想回家
不想你回家
寂寞深的像海太让人害怕
温柔你的手
轻轻揉着我的发
你的眉眼说
你好渴望我拥抱
你身体却在拼命逃
但欲望在燃烧
你爱我还是他
是不是真的他要比我好
你为谁在挣扎
爱我还是他
就说出你想说的真心话
你到底要跟我还是他
爱爱爱......
这是不是命运对我的惩罚
爱你也没办法
恨你也没办法
陷在这个漩涡只想挣脱它
拉住你的手
却让我也被拖下
你的眉眼说
你不渴望我拥抱
每当爱变成了煎熬
你就开始要逃
你爱我还是他
是不是我可以做他的好
你不再挣扎
爱我还是他
我宁愿听到残忍的回答
也不要再被耍
你爱我还是他
我为你找了一百个理由
我就是那么傻
爱我还是他
是否沉默代替你的回答
我应该明白吗
爱我是他噢
你都已看不到我们的好
我还会心牵挂
你爱我还是他
是否沉默就是你的回答
我们都别挣扎
去爱他
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I cried myself to sleep with this song ringing in my head last night. I promised myself that it'll really be the last time i would cry over you this badly again. All the promises we made, all the times you stood in front of me and cried, all the times we hugged each other and cried together after our 100s of quarrels, all the times we planned our future together, all the times you looked into my eyes and told me you'd never leave - for all that, thanks for nothing. Nothing at all. This marks the official end of this chapter of my life, and i'm going to move on and start a new phase, without you. Let love find me, cos i won't allow my heart to be dealt another blow; let alone allow myself to get used, betrayed and hurt again. I gave all i had to offer, sacrificed everything on the planet for you, even God. But now i realise how silly i was. Maybe now i've seen your true colours, yet there's a part inside me that refuse to acknowledge the fact that all that has happened was all because of you. I don't deny the fact that occasionally i still do think of you and get emotional, start crying and hate myself for letting you go, or blaming myself for not doing enough. But really, that's not the case. I did ALL i could and all i would. So if it was nothing to you, its okay. Cos i'm sure it would mean the world to someone else. Tell myself i can fnd better, and i will. I'm not going to doubt that anymore, and believe that God has already a perfect man for me that i love and will give me all i need and all i want. You just proved yourself to be the person i never waned to think you were. Thanks once again for the bitterbittersweet past. Maybe i won't love this much and free my heart anymoore, but God will be there every step of the way to lead me, love me and guide me. For making me cry like millions of tears that could fill a hundred dry wells, i'm and for making dry noodles become soup noodles, for making the cotton on my pillow rot, i'm telling you this, i'm gonna give it all i have to stop any darn tear from rolling down my forlorn face. NO MORE. I can't believe even at this point of time when i'm trying my best to fake that smile and blog as if i'm okay and going strong; i still feel tears in my eyes crying out to me to let them go.

PS: Thanks ying, for the conversation we had last night. It really means alot to me that even after 4 years, i still feel so comfortable when i'm with you so much till the point i can cr in front of you anytime and i know yo would be there to lend me your shoulders and comfort me. Yeah, like you said, it's a mistake i have to learn from and yeah he's not worthanything i give. And that girl looks like .. I love you sister, bestfriend, soulmate (: Cheers to the many more years we have together as friends!
PS: Chinrong, can't tell you how much i appreciate you. I must have created alot of mess and troubles for you. But you never fail to be there to encourage me in your own ways and be there to make me feel better and cared for. Yeah though sometimes i blame you for being so harsh to me, i still learnt alot from you! And harsh treatment can be of alot of use you know (: From camp all the way till now, you have really proven yourself worthy of letting me call you a bestfriend (: And you're really someone i thank God for! Thanks once again, for being there for me. Promise i will move on and be strong! I love you bestfriend!
PS: Ken (: It means the world to me that you were there AGAIN, to lend me a ear and a prayer. i appreciate you like nothing in the world too (: And your PUSH, constantly reminds me that nothing is going to be impossible with God as long as we Pray Until Something Happens. And yes i'm gonna keep praying, cos i know i have friends beside me to cheer me on and that my rewards are in heaven. ;D You make alot of sense, cos maybe you understand the situation abit more. So here's to you, thanks! Count on me to be there for you too okay? You're my best husband (: Jiayou to you too okay!

All that i am, all that i have ; i lay them down before you oh Lord. The joy and the pain, i lift the to you. Make my heart whole again, heal my heart and make it clean for your glory. Words cannot describe how thankful i am for your grace and mercy that never ever fails. I love you and no one else Lord (: Nothing lasts forever except You.

so i tuck it all away,
like everything's okay.
If i make them all believe it,
maybe i'll believe it too ;

de a'More ;

12:26 PM