Ask me, and i'll tell you i feel like crap. I feel lost even though it's already the second day of orientation. Sure there was fun and games, but i just felt like i couldn't fit in. And those who know me know i'm not the type that gets intimidated with new people but i've really been struggling in RP. I've been keeping an open mind and try to blend in but i lt's a fact that i'm struggling and just being honest. The people i've spoken today are either really quiet, really loud and open, give you weird stares but act nice or just indifferent. There isnt anyone i can relate to and that feeling just makes me feel so alone. My friends in other poly's are all enjoying it, but here i am wondering why i'm feeling like this. Today when i went for some diploma talk for my diploma and i think i just ended up somewhere i didnt exactly wanna end up. It's all backstage stuff and not really something i look forward to. So like any other sane christian, i texted sister eileen and told her how i was feeling and asked her for advice. (ps i think God has really planned my path. i'll explain later) Thinking back from how my JAE failed, to how hard i tried to find a way out when there seemed to be none and i think i really need to thank God for so many things and ask him to provide me with more answers as to why He has placed me there and realise that God has been path-ing my way and He will NEVER leave me at the crossroads and let me just stand there wondering. God will give me whats best for me HAVE FAITH! ; ( It's just been so hard.

Thank God! Thank God for sister eileen cos she's in the same media line. Thats why she can give me so much valuable practical advice to 'survive' in the course and the industry in the future. Still can count on her to pray with me and guide me along in my walk and jouney and all. Amazing its like God has already planned all this and placed certain people ard me to give me different advices and to make my life in RP easier. I was complaining to a friend today aftter the talk and this year 2 GL overheard. He told me he had similar struggles and stuff. I asked him about more stuff and things went pretty well! He's looking for a drama school outside too to give him an edge over the rest. And and! He's from FCBC, which made it so much easier to talk to him bout God stuff and he told me he's with the church team in performances and all. God really works in so many ways to place different people at different time to tell me different things so thank God for benjamin too! AND AND, the RP people in cell that have guided me too like 3rd year clifford, delise and luke! :D

OKAY! Updates on my poor skin. YES, now it's like really POOR skin. I've started peeling! In all the weird places :/ My entire chest is literally reborn-ed. Like the skin is like peeling like grossly not like the normal sun burn kinda skin where its like tiny skin that u need to pluck. This is the PEEL, like an entire chunk of skin SLIDES off you body :/ OUCH. Now i need to wear clothes that go all the way up to the neck. For you saddist people, here are some photos :/

blah, here u see the transparent skin from one small part of my body :/

can see the skin peeling? And look, that's how burnt i got - it's literally black and white. There goes :/ OUCH.

It was so hard trying to cover up for the things i've said. I didn't want to keep it from you, but i had to. They know the truth but i told them to give you another answer when u asked them. Never will you know, it's all you - you you you. I dont wanna lie, but i cannot. Things will change, and i dont want them to. I'm sorry to those who helped me cover up for this mess i;ve created and faithfully keeping the secret to youself. I'm tired, things are messed up and i need you God.

Ke ai! I know you read my blog and I MISS YOU u know right! Army end soon please!

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