Dang, i feel emo :/

{edit 8.56pm}

Now i do have a reason to be seriously upset with myself. There were auditions for Modern Dance IG today after school. Although i can say that my passion for dance is as much as a professional, i didnt have any techniques - all i have was the heart. I saw many girls (and guys) who walked modern dance, talked modern dance and just was modern dance. They lived, eat and breathed mordern dance. I felt super inferior there but i was determined to give it a shot. But just when we were merely 5 mins into WARM UPS, i found myself on the verge of breaking into tears and just giving up on the one thing i loved most, dance. It was such a painful experience i never want to put myself through. Yet i performed, i pushed myself to the limits to try to stretch as much as possible, try to go beyond what my body was conditioned to and tried to withstand the pain coming from flexing those muscles really badly. My shoulder is not in it's best condition now and so are my soles. Still i pulled through the mere 15 minutes of warm up which seemed like eternity - then we moved on to the choreography. I could not get it. The instructor went so fast and all the other girls seemed to have gotten it in two shakes of a lamb's tail, yet i was struggling so hard; the first time i truly struggled doing somethingi loved. I really wanted to give up and throw my passion all away but i stood in front of him in the end, and performed my heart out. It may not be good enough to make the cut, maybe it is. But one thing i know is for sure -- Hannah has tried her best (thanks joo). Whether or not she fails or succeeds, it's up to God. Yet somehow, i still feel like i'm not good enough. Was that my best? Why was i so insecure about standing in front of a crowd and doing my thing? Why did i feel like such a loser? Perhaps i am one.Am i destined for greatness? I know just because of a dance audition is not the way i should be acting now but believe me, i struggled big time with myself. How inadequate of me to even go for the audition and fight with the many pros.

Headed for acapella auditions after MD, and even after more than 1/2 an hour, my abs and body was still shaking - so i screwed up acapella but i know i made it in though my voice had an unnatural 'vibration'. I hate it and i hate myself. Hip Hop's tml, and i need to redeem myself.

; she danced away just like a child/

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1:30 PM