Tuesday, April 08, 2008
I know it's time for some updates. But yeah, school has started, things have been messed up recently and somehow i can't find the inspiration or the desire to blog since i've been caught up with way to many things.
Went to visit grandpa in hospital on sunday. Please keep him in prayer, he was in and out of ICU and he was just discharged today from the high dependency ward :/ And we did what we were best at, camwhoring :/
Monday school officially started for RP students. The learning style definitely earns an A+, but the people .. well i can't say the same. Yeah yeah, full of conflicts and disagreements esp when everyday we're excessed on team work and character. Ppl in the team are boring :/ They just want ppt all the way, and tt's not gonna earn us good grades. Having a poor command in english, they also often misinterpret the question and then do some screwed up research. In RP, the end product isn't anything, it's the process. But she was driving so much on the research and perfecting the bloody presentation by adding chunks of words and all. Like i told her, who'd bother to read lah! :/ Piss me off :/
The year 3s and new found year 1-who-are-supposed-to-be-year3s friends are what makes me look forward to school everyday. Having an awesome lunch with luke, clifford, dylis, jean, chris and man u and just enjoying our time laughing today and teasing one another during lunch and after school is just so .. loving it (: Thank you :D
Oh and stupid clumsy hannah fell down on the escalators today while chasing after the MRT. I took pictures but it wasn't really clear. I bleed, DUH! :/ It's kinda bad and it so hurts :/ URH, such a day ruiner :/
I allowed myself to get so affected by you that everytime you did insensitive things i would double the weightage, only cause i was stupid to let my heart feel that way about the little things. If only it all didnt start, if only u were'nt so nice in the beginning, if only God isn't point you to me, if only i learnt how to manage my emotions well enough.
I'm glad I've let go before all this has happened, or i think now hannah wouldnt be alive anymore. It really hurt me to feel like it was all my fault, yet i know you're having a hard time too. I emphasise, i dont blame you for feeling the way you do. I'm sorry if indirectly somehow or another i caused you to feel this way. But the last thing i want to do is to hurt you or cause you any pain. Perhaps that's why i always kept things in cos i just didnt wanna make things hard for you. But then again, my intentions backfired. And i really apologize for everything that has happened just because i was selfish. ____ , i’m sorry. I really am. I don’t know if this misunderstanding is ever going to be solved, but i really hope it’ll all be okay again. I look back, and i remember all the times we hung out often to talk about senseless things, and how we were there for one another to pray for each other and to tell one another that ‘we’ll be there’. There were so many fond memories, is it really worth it to let go of the friendship that we’ve fought so hard to build up. After sharing joy and pain together, should we then remember the good times instead of the bad? I know it’s hard to forgive, but let’s put our differences aside shall we? You know we all love you and that’s why perhaps we voiced out our opinions. Perhaps we were insentitive towards your feelings and we didn’t consider how you’d feel when we made it seem like all of us were against you. No we weren’t. I can confidently say that it didn’t come across as how it seemed to be. For that, i think all of us apologize, sincerely. And i ask for your forgiveness.
My mood totally crashed last night. Thanks to Derek for the phone call, Jon and HannahOO for the phone conversation, and best chinrong for helping me - that somehow or rather it made me relax and feel like for once maybe things wont turn out to be SO bad like i perceive it to be. Cos i think i spent too much brain space thinking too much and worrying so badly about everything and anything :/ Thank you all you lovely people for making life so much more bearable (:
de a'More ;
7:51 PM
hannahlee