Monday, May 19, 2008
Holiday! (: Just came back from the hospital again and had lunch and all. Hopefully going to play bball later with sister and her friends, and hopefully i get a tan ;D Let's see how far i can blog first :/ Urgh, mom forgot to make an appt for me to cut hair today so in the end, the irritating hair is still here! :/ Oh, we went to bukit batok to get food just now and i bought a new anna sui wallet :D Heh, it's a fake xD But im still happy (:
{edit 3.37pm
Whoa, it was HOT :/ I sat there for about 1 hour, and gave up :/ And i already got a mild tan :/ Heh : D Oh well, seems like past few days have been eating alot lesser. My stomach seems to refuse food, though it's super hungry. Stayed up till about 1 while tossing in the bed replying random smses and thinking (too much) and then Dad woke me up at 8 to go hospital again :/ I'm too tired, too messed up, too strained, thinking too much for myself to let myself eat like i normally would. On the other hand, it's a good thing to be able to lose weight :X
NICHOLAS WAN - Go away, stop being psycho and irritating. Stop texting me and ask me to talk to you, dont ask if i have a boyfriend and please, i wont be ur gan mei or whatever sh*t. And, i am NOT free - never free for you moron! Urgh! Dont assume i agree to whatever you say and 'take it as you're my gan mei & call you later' just because i dont reply. Dont push your luck. I've been nice for 3 years now, dont pester me anymore, please?
6.38am - i jerked awake in my bed and stared blankly in the air, asking myself whether what happened last night was a dream. Slapped myself a couple of times, then smiled to myself. Slapped myself again, then went to sleep. No, it wasn't just another perfect dream, it was the perfect reality (:
8am - Woke up again just to make sure when i woke up the previous time, it wasn't a dream. Just to be sure?
梦希望没有尽头
我们走到这就好
因为我不想太快走完这幸福
It will last, it will last. So many things to tell you, so many things on my mind. Urgh, shut up hannah,shut up! It's not up to you to determine anything or try to change anything. I dont know to smile or cry. I'm trying Lord, i'm trying. I dont understand it, dont understand it at all. Don't mess with my heart knowing very well that i cannot handle it. Can You not always bring people in, and then take them out again? I wanna keep them, everyone of them. So can You please not do this, not again? Ah, you know what, You don't know! As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend, I brought my broken hopes to God cos he was my friend. But instead of leaving him in peace to work alone I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own. At last I snatched them back again and cried, “how can you be so slow?”.. “My child, what could I do? You never did let go." I have, i just did. God, promise, promise me You wont take away all this You'be given. Dont. When will You finally give me the answers i want, and the one i need?
No, you dont know how it feels like to be me, to know that there's so much you cannot do. When there are so many things beyond what you can control, so many things to fear and be insecure about. Dont, don't.I dont wanna cry alone, not anymore. Am i being too selfish by keeping him by my side knowing very well i cannot let anything happen? I dont know how to explain it to you. I made my stand, im not prepared to let go of You again like i did before. I've lost so much the other time, but i want to keep him! Why did you have to make me fall in love with you? Now that i do, i can't get out. Someone save me D; D; D; Can i keep you? However unfair it is? Tell me you'd still be here to support me, tell me you'd give me time, tell me you wont go,not just yet.SLAP YOUSELF HANNAH,SLAP YOURSELF UNTIL YOU DIE!
looking out my window
the world seemed to come to a freeze.
lying on my bed,
darkness sets in
everything seemed to fade away
while i force a grin ;
只怪我的爱不够勇敢,
一直沉默的做你的依赖
让一切石沉大海;
de a'More ;
1:04 PM
hannahlee