Finally, some time to take a break and give myself a little time, and a little TLC - from? Hahaha, i dont know, lovely friends around me (: Dragged myself to church early in the morning yesterday for Camp Comm meeting. I tell you, was so busy and drained over the week that i totally forgot i had to lead glorify, it was so last minute but yeah i pulled it off very well in the end (: So meeting was very very productive, very glad :D Stoned (and i literally mean stone) throughout till it was time for cell. & i didnt stop stoning there. Service as usual, dinnered with parents at West Coast, went to collect my lenses but the uncle dont let me! D: Cos i had a bad cornea abrasion on both eyes, and my infection is still there. You know why? Cos of my stupid nose and throat that havent been feeling well for the 3rd week and going already. There goes. I need a doctor.

I dont know. People commented i looked dead, restless, zombie-fied, lap sap, moody, stone, etc etc. I told all of them one thing - that i couldnt feel myself. Entire month so far since school re-opened, just been busy upon busy. Everyday im doing presentations almost all by myself, which keeps me super occupied throughout the day. If i have meeting after school, im occupied again. If not go back home, do RJ evaluation and stuff- sleep. It's been the routine so far, on top of stress from the Camp Comm, problems that make me think too much coming from people i love. I hardly had any time for myself to process whatever was going on, thus it led to me just 'drifting' around, feeling that i didnt exist. It was the first time in cell that my leader noticed something wasn't right and that i wasn't 'hannah'. People gave me comforting hugs but ah, it just felt wrong. During ytd's worship experience, i found it hard to let go of myself. I teared a couple, then it was sit, stand, sit stand. Finally, at the altars, i broke down. I wailed, not just cry. I longed for someone to pick me up, hug me and tell me it was all going to be okay. But it just didnt seem enough. After church, i thought it'll all be fine, that i'd just lay it down at the foot of the cross. But that feeling, remained. I need answers, and a remedy.
But one thing i know, twin made me happy yesterday, so thank you hon! You sure know how to do it.
ifihadforgottenyou,iwldntknowurscheduleathebackofmyhand;wldnttrysohard(tillithurt)toresistcallingorsms-ingyou.thoughtyoudidntwannarecievesmsesorcallsfrommecosyoualwaysseemedsoturned
offbythem,alligotwerecoldrepliesandfiercecomments.theyhurtme.&imissyou,asmuchasididbefore.
saidyoudontneedmetoworry-wellusaidityourself.uneverneededme,mycallnormytexts.&thatspreciselywhyidontsms/callu.

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