Dread. Went down to church early today to help Alicia out with dance auditions. The P6s were really cute and a sweet batch. Was kinda a rushed auditions, she came up with choreo last minute - taught me within 5 min, they came to auditions and ta da, i taught them. HAHAHA! But it was really fun too, havent danced in awhile; though short but it was still cool :D

Met Sister Jer & Haruki to come up with pubs brainstorm and finalising today's pubs and all. Alright. Then waited for Fabian to come, talked a little, walked around a little - then things got messy. I swear i was on the verge of cursing :/ Service was horrible, i found it hard to concentrate and focus because of all the things that happened within that hour & all. Sigh. OKAY! Rambled through service, teared up and all, uphappied through service till after service - talked to the boys, prayed with Andre fr abit and walked to Serene's with Reuben and the rest. Dee wasn't around so i was the only girl from the cell, nothing new - felt like one of them. HA! Ta pao-ed to Adam, sat down & talk & rant & bitch & all there. The guys got involved and they sorta got fiery too, since they know about what happened - it's just a total disgrace to the guys. Though it was a down-er throughout the day, i totally enjoyed myself with the guys. It was another splendid conversation & talks that will warm hearts. It was nice today that Reuben & Delia weren't around for dinner though i really wanted Delia to be around (since Reuben was filled in already before srv). Allowed me to fellowship a little more and deeper with Justin & fabian; though we're close but beng & dee always limelight. Though alot quiter and less crazy, it was still good.Ben & Dan were with us too. Hahaha. It was great to have the guys around to share weal & woe, give me advices, pat on the backs and all (:

'For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also'.

I really dont know why you behaved the way you did today. Though i could very well have blamed ****** for not telling me straight in my face back last month and allow me to continue to harbour 'if-s' and 'maybe-s', i guess it boiled down to your indecisiveness. I dont know if you dont know how you feel, whether u are having trouble with handling this or for whatever reason - but you could have done me ,and alot of other people who might be involved one way or another, a big favour if you made your feelings & thoughts known. Because you know what this has cost me? A major heartache. I dont know to cry tears of sadness or anger because i find it hard to know that a guy cld be so indecisive, leaving people hanging, misleading them into more stuff & all of that - to the point you wouldn't even clear up now. Moreover you knew, right from the start - but never said a single thing to at least try & clear things with me - NEVER, leaving me hanging with 'what if-s' and 'maybe-s', which i realised now that i really didnt need at all! It's like taking all my hope away, but knowing that actually long ago i shld have known that i shldnt be having that kinda hope anyway. & your attitude towards me today, only made it worst. I couldnt find A SINGLE reason for you to have behaved towards me today. So why? Perhaps what **** said was right, you dont now what you want. Neither do you know how to handle this torn situation. But you know what wld be the easiest and best solution? Simple, a yes or a no. I have to hear it from you yourself, before i make the next move. Please, clear up this mess. Clear up our mess. I really just need to know. Face up. & you, yah you - please don't try to get into this. you dont even have a part to play in the first place. So hands off, or bear the consequences. If you want to, put up a fight for this with me - but without those masks, beacuse it turns me off.

And so teach me, guide me. It's time You took control. And so i'm letting go of all that my hands have been grapsing so tightly onto. With bruised hands & a broken heart - i come to You. Lead me.

de a'More ;

10:25 PM