Sunday, March 29, 2009
"And so, I think when you love someone, you hurt so they don't have to.
You lie through your teeth to give them a semblance of happiness even if it costs you your own. You would throw yourself on the train tracks for them, even if it rips you to pieces.
And maybe, just maybe, when you love someone, these gestures could be selfish ones on our part, because you can bear your own burdens, but you're not too sure you could stand seeing them in pain. Most of all, its when you love someone, as a friend, a sister, or something more than that, but somehow they don't reprociate. That's when you make the most selfless, yet also most selfish, and of course excruciatingly painful choice;To let them go." - http://girlafter-gods-heart.blogspot.com/
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Service yesterday was somewhat hard to sit through. Halfway through the sermon, i turned away and felt heat in my eyes. As s.gwen illustrated this story of a monkey, i laughed at myself. I was just like the monkey. I saw a banana in a box, reached my hands into them and tried to take that banana for myself; the next moment i realised, i couldnt get my hands off that banana or take my hands outta the box - why? Because i've failed to let go. Knowing that somewhere somehow there's a better banana for me, i still refused to let go. I held on, because somehow it seemed holding on seemed easier and less painful than letting go. I questioned my self worth again, and wanted to once and for all get over that issue. But i turned to look, and no - i realised i couldnt.
Then again,
you have no idea. you wouldnt understand the feelings i feel, no?
Like sister gwen, i questioned why answering God's call was so hard, why i have to be put through so much just to fulfill the call of God. But i now know, because God's call over my life is great - because it needs to be fought for, because a price has been paid.
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been ;
de a'More ;
9:59 PM
hannahlee