Such a horrible feeling this is. I'm so sorry A for being such a PMS-er last night. I just couldnt remember what went on last night. Just know it was bad and just weird and outta my skin. Today was the same, i was dragging my feet hear and there, unknowingly i wore a frown on my face today too. I don't know if it's just because of my period (which i highly doubt) or whether this or that was affecting me, which i dont know what either. All i know was Friday wasn't a good day, and i felt like a zombie throughout saturday.

I tried holding back tears today, i felt like there was a need and urge to run towards the altars and cry big time, letting go of whatever i'm holding onto; but i didnt, and couldnt. The thought of 'growing numb' came into my mind but i brushed it off because i didnt wanna believe in it. It felt so hard to connect with God during cell, i was distracted ttm - which i never was before. During service too, i wanted to connect, reach out and cry out; but i couldnt. I was stuck where i was, caught sighing big heaves in between. It didnt help to see my loved ones crying and stuff when i was looking around too. Never felt so distant from myself and from God. My mind was somewhere else the whole time and whatever that is, i gotta break it and stop this uphill climbing that's going no where at all. I feel so burdened with so many things that somehow i can't feel anything i want to feel anymore. Im going mad, getting paranoid, numb, and just unfeeling.

And i feel so sorry for those who have to tolerate all these nonsnse, esp A and Y. I really apologize and i dont really mean it D: its just my season that i have to get over. Sigh, save me.

de a'More ;

11:06 PM