Okay i'm really going to start blogging back here, i'll try!

HELLO JANUARY, 13th to be exact!
It's kinda of exactly a month away from my 19th :/ Gosh i feel old. Anyways let's do a quick flashback update.From 30th Dec (my last post) till now, nothing much happened. I still don't get tired of saying that God has been faithful throughout 2009, as well as into 2010 too. At least up till now, He's NEVER failed me (:

There've been ups and there've been downs. School's kinda bittersweet. Like it's awesomeone day, but the next day it just doesn't go well with work piling up. Did i mention about an IMC project that we have to pitch to the National Arts Council? That in itself is scary. A whole gush of inability and uncertainty overwhelmed me just yesterday. It felt like i didn't know where everything's headed, like there were too many things to think about and so little time. Unknowingly i swept everything under the rug, kept it locked up somewhere in the corners of my heart and carried on with life, encouraging the rest to 'press on', 'hang in there' and 'we'll make it throughs' . Until it got exposed last night. Got a little angry with everything, and kinda hated the bus rides for the first time. I got home and spoke to a couple of people, everything poured out and i felt better after surrendering it all back unto God and laying all my worries at the foot of the cross. How contradicting we can be as human sometimes huh? Knowing that God has never failed us since Day1, yet there are times we still choose to doubt Him and His plans. But God brought me back to a very known verse. Knowing is one thing, believing is another (:

Jer 29:11 "For i know the plans i have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm. Plans to bring you a hope and a future."


In 2009 i think i've grown alot, especially from the whole episode. Made me realize how important God's call is, and how God will always fight and want the best for me.
And i don't know if you're still reading or will ever read this, but i just want you to know that i am well over you. I blamed myself and struck myself with guilt because of what happened, for giving us away - but realized it was all unneccessary. I didn't and never wanted/needed an apology or any form of explanation, always had your back and did all that i could. I'm sorry if my heart wasn't already good enough, but you know how much i gave. Throughout all that happened, all that was already smacked straight in my face, there was that part of me that still wanted to believe in you. In the short 2 weeks that past, it's like you reopened that wound that i took years and years to close. Quote Val, God doesn't create playthings and products in His image. I got to know about things i never thought i would know, everything's exposed now, EVERYTHING. It made me feel upset, angry and very disappointed. All over again, i'm learning how to forgive big time. I never thought i'd say this, but i take all i said back. I actually think i do deserve some form of apology. No need for explanations, because i don't believe anything could explain all that. I'm praying God will allow a full restoration to take place, and for you to break out of that cycle. I'm sorry it had to happen. It was nice and one of the best times of my life while it lasted. Goodbye, and perhaps few years down the road, i'll get to know you all over again. Jiayou.


Can't wait for tommorow to be over ASAP, get my hair coloured somehow and go for buffet with deedee, ken-ie and mei (: I thank God for people He's placed in my life, alot.

— Daniel Stern, The Wonder Years



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