It's been awhile, now i'm back.
Tumblr has been great to me, a great friend, a great listener, a great space to let me rant, be myself and say what i want to say.

But today, i'm back here because again, nothing compares to Jesus.

I want to sit at the feet of Jesus, pour everything out to Him and just let Him minister to me. I wanted to find some room, some place that i can bang on the black and white keys, worship God and give Him my all.
I heard Him say today, hold on. That He's fighting for me, and i've just got to give Him my hand.

Sometimes i think we forget how it's like or what it actually means to give our hands to Him. Our hands give us control, we've heard a million times how our hands represent action. It helps us to do things, helps us to write, hold onto things, take action with them. And sometimes we fear so much to surrender our hands to God, because that'll mean we've lost control. And then, subconsciously week after week, service after service, renewed commitments after renewed commitments, we tell God 'God, i'm going to surrender to you.' and then we let Him take over this part of you that you are WILLING to surrender - maybe the part of your hands that helps you to write. But what about the part of your hands like your fingers that hold onto things? Maybe that part that points judgmental fingers at someone else. The hands that choose to take control and make decisions and go about doing so many things like writing reports, doing presentations, even typing on blogs or even facebook.

So perhaps the reason why we're constantly caught in that struggle with ourselves, the reason why we always feel alone, the reason why things always seem messed up - isn't because God didn't do 'His part', or because 'He didn't want to bless us'. It's just simply, yet painfully because we failed to let Him do what He needs to, failed to place Him in His rightful place which is in the centre of our lives. God isn't a priority, and neither does He want to be place on top of some to-do list or something. He wants to be in the centre, where everything else circles around Him. And to be honest, there i am caught in that vicious cycle - failing to admit how useless and empty i am without God. And after knocking my way around, reaching dead ends and feeling so absolutely drained out from everything that's going on, God has His way of bringing me to my knees to just cry out for Him in my darkest most alone moments. I'm convinced that His love is more than enough for me - that same love will see me soar. In His hands my future's brighter.

So to the grave with pride. To the grave with all the masks. To the grave with the fear of the future. To the grave with comparisons and inadequacy. I'm going to surrender all that i have to Him - my relationship, my studies, my family, my thoughts, my speech, my actions. We're not perfect, and i'm definitely not near perfect. But i believe in this thing called the constant surrender i've learnt from a good friend. I believe that we're all but a bunch of sinners aiming to live our lives right before God. We can't guarantee that we won't fall back into sin and temptations when the time comes, but i know we can put up a fight. And we can always come back to the foot of the cross, acknowledge that God is God and let Him take charge.

So God, take charge.



de a'More ;

1:04 PM