WORD INTENSIVE AND EXPLOSION OF LOVE AHEAD:



And so .. I'm happy, really really happy. Things have never looked so good in a long time. Whether it's my walk with God, calling, family, friends or relationships. But just for today, let me talk about Ken.

A-R-M-Y, to some spells disaster. To most, we hear them say it's almost impossible to make it through army and be 'together forever'. We hear of how people fall apart so easily because of this 4 letter word. But i'm glad, our relationship isn't going to be one of them.

I know, it's been a challenge. In the initial stages, you have to cope with that physical lack of that person you love suddenly detached from you. What's worst is being thrown into a place filled with danger and madmen who bark at you, yell at you and treat you like slaves all day long. It's scary when you have no idea how the surrounding's like for your man 5 days in a week, and it makes you feel outta control and mad insecure. THen after that, you start to find that you have to fight for his time, and on his part he'll have to start prioritizing and managing his time well. In my case, i love that my boyfriend takes his family and friends seriously and loves them enough to set aside specific times of the day for them and for me as well. That's something about him i'm really proud of. The way he speaks about his mom and spending time with her and dad was always a priority. But in 2 days out of a week, divide them and how much time do you actually get all to yourselves? So compromises are made. The worst part of it all is, sometimes as guys in the army, they tend to lose themselves. Not literally, but i guess they get caught up thinking that everyone else kind of owes it to them because they're always working so hard and they're the ones that need the support and everything else and neglect the needs of the people around them.

I've been screaming for someone to notice me for the past, 2 months maybe? Screaming for him to notice that yes although i know for a matter of fact that he loves me, but sometimes i feel i do too much. And there he is, sometimes subconsciously and unintentionally taking me for granted. Well, good news is, i don't have to anymore.

Ever since last week, i felt like he finally understood. It was as if God just shot it to him. Over the few days, i felt like this boy, grew and flourished into a man that i can rely on. As i walked in silence, fitted right under his arms where i felt i belonged, i looked up to this guy, and just felt secure. No longer the guy that's lost and insecure, or caught up, or wondering a million whys - but the guy that's now ready to do whatever it takes for us to make it through to our forever. The guy that will pull me to his side, not out of habit, but for the very fact that "i(he) want to keep you(me) close to me, so that you(me) can't run away and no one's going to drag you(me) away". I knew he meant it just that way. In the simplicity of his mind, he just meant it literally that being close to me would mean being close forever.

It must have been God, or something. You know? He gave Ken that special friday on the 1st Oct 2010 off, and i had him over for a spectacular lunch that even i myself was surprised by. Even though we were'nt alone in the house, it seemed and felt like in his eyes, my sister and others didnt matter - only i existed and in mine, i only saw him. I laid on the couch, looking up to him as we talked. It felt like the kind you'd read in books and watch in movies? Except that i wasn't the female lead. I wasn't some pretty girl, demure and had guys falling at my heels. Instead i was a stubborn, not so pretty, not so perfect, not so demure, not so fashionable, hot tempered sometimes, with a fierce looking face kind of girl. I never felt like i should be protected, because i was independent and strong like i was taught to. I led. This time, though it felt uncomfortable at first, i felt like i could really let myself go and rely on someone, treated like a baby and just being .. loved and led instead.

We had dinner at KFC, of all places instead of romantic casual dining restaurants like NewYork NewYork, Sakae Sushi or MOF. We had a buddy's meal (a couple's meal i'd like to call it), had our fingers and mouths greased with a film of oil from the delicious sinful fried chicken. Since there were only us, he made the orders. And i forgot to tell him that i cldnt drink coke or pepsi cos of the caffiene in it so i text him and said no coke, either 7-up or mountain dew or orange juice or F&N or somthing. He brought back both 7-up AND mountain dew and told me to take the pick. Without thinking much i settled for mountain dew. Then at night before i slept i realized, he doesnt even drink either of them. He usually goes for the iced tea or green tea or some non gassy thing. Thoughfulness of his melted me, though a simple act.

At cell, i sat in his room - feeling like i havent belonged there ever since that 'incident'. We brought 7yearold carissa down to play sparkles and make heart shapes out of candles. He carried her in his arms and we took turns with the sparkles. Felt warm all over. Back in the room, i felt disappointed over some friend issue. Really bummed and totally depressed to the brink of tears as i thought about what happened that friday. He sat there in silence, as disappointed and sad as i was. But then to my surprised, like that i read in Jodi Picoult's novels, he picked up my hands in his, held them and said 'Look at me.' I lifted my eyes to meet his and he managed a smile and said 'You still have me, okay? I'm with you'. I felt a heat rush to my eyes and my heart raced. I tried to force a smile, but just turned away and said a thank you that almost sounded whimper-ish.

That was how my children's day ended. On Saturday, i worked. And still felt bummed over whatever happened amongst my friends. He text and said 'Dont worry about a thing, i've got it all sorted out.' I felt like finally there was some control over this mess. I really stopped worrying and trusted his words, and true enough, everything became okay. We usually agree to keep our hands off one another around our friends in case people felt uncomfortable. Okay let me rephrase. Its not like we touch one another alot okay, but just like no holding hands, or like no waist holding and hair sweeping and other stuff couples do. But that day, haha, he grabbed me and forced his hands to lock with mine. At night when we finally got to be alone he said 'Do you know why i like to hold girlfriend's hand? Because then im telling al the other guys: SHES MINE'.

Today, he was naughty in the morning. He decided to just wake up early and come over hoping to catch me in my PJs and messy hair - just to pass me a book. Luckily the moment he said wake up im coming over, i jumped out of bed and washed up as quickly as i could and fixed my morning breath. In addition, i jumped all over him and i think almost sffocated him when i saw him. It wasnt the book i recieved from him, but it was just his presence there. We didn't see one another the rest of the day and he called after he booked in from camp. We got to talk about the happy week.

"I felt like there was a break through, like im really happy and like genuinely happy. I know like honestly for the past weeks we've been having our ups and downs and quarreling and talking aboout lots of stuff like that. But now i understand how it feels like when you're just so happy and blssed being with someone and seeing them so happy. And i love it seeing the fruits of my labour when i see that smile on your face. All i can say is that i love you, and that im really really happy. I'll always fight for you, just like how you've fought for me. "

Haha, and ladies do you know? He asked me out on a proper date. It isnt the first time, but well it counts! He told me to block out my Sunday next week, and just allow him to take me to places. I didnt have to do a thing but tell everyone i'm not free on the weekend. And he said it was for our very special 8th, that we will spend once again in the army ): But i'm sure he'll make up for it, because he already did. It's enough.

As we hung up, i felt that kind of reluctance in his voice to say goodbye and all i heard was 'i love you, i love you. You're special, and precious'.

Really, what more can i ask for? This is love, i thought to myself.
Thank You God, You make all things new and perfect again.

I love you Ken Chua.



de a'More ;

10:57 PM