It's Christmas.

Well. I must say, i had a splendid christmas.
I know there was an explosion of joy on twitter, facebook and everywhere else. Then again, also on twitter and facebook there happen to be alot of people that are going through hard times and not really getting into what Christmas is all about. It makes me feel bad that i am happy this Christmas. Makes me feel like i'm supposed to be sad in a way to fit everyone else, being here for the people and telling them 'i understand and im gg thru this too', and extend compassion to them. In short, just be there and emo with them. Then again, when you're happy it kind of just flows outta you and you just .. am happy.

But you know why i am? Because it's been such a rough season, rough year, rough everything - with school, friends, family and relationship. Everything that went wrong has went wrong. But in this time of the year, everything seemed to come together perfectly. Afterall, i never had a 'honeymoon' cos as soon as we got together, in less than 3 months i sent my man on his way to army which posed as an entirely different challenge, on top of the passing of grandpa, results day and all that other nonsense, it's been an emotional up and down on top of juggling things like school, results, graduation, family, friends and everything else. I don't think anyone would have understand how horrible things got to a point i lost all hope in things turning better. Stopped asking for a miracle, stopped believing.

But this Christmas i finally understand what christmas is all about in the first place - His love. And His love has been manifested in so many ways this year. Through the challenges i've faced, it's only made life more interesting and made relationships so much more worth keeping. Sure i've complained and moaned and groaned, but in the end God loves me enough to bring everything together perfectly. And i might not be in the most festive mood this Christmas, but i truly am happy for the time i get to spend with my family over christmas, having time from block leave to do thing si've always wanted to with K, spending time with my friends over xmas writing cards and baking for them, school awesomeness and everything. It's not about all the bad things, but rather see the good things. The year hasnt been fantastic, but im determined to make it end off perfectly.

And i guess one thing i love most about this Christmas, is that it is filled with love. From everyone. You lose some, you win some. I have lost, but i also have gained. I've learnt to see who are the friendsthat matter. I've gained a new relationship with my family. I'm at a different level altoegther in my relationship with K. It's everything i ever wanted this Christmas.

I just wish this all wouldnt end, even after today. It feels abit like a dream i dreamt up. When tomorrow and the next week comes, it's going to be back to reality. Bf's gna be in Brunei training his butt off for 2+ weeks with no contact whatsoever, we're all going back to our busy lives in school which means lesser time for family and friends. And i get scared. But then again, im going to put in m bit of effort to make this work. It has to, and it will.

So smile friends. When you're at your worst, thats where things can't go any further and it can only go upwards. Remember, what's worth having is worth fighting for.

With love on this Christmas,
Me.

de a'More ;

10:19 PM